Struggling To Buy A House In San Francisco? Try A Castle Instead
Despite drops in rent prices across the world’s most expensive cities, housing prices are still as expensive as ever. You may find yourself asking, “How will I ever be able to afford the shelter of my dreams in a place with such rich culture?”. Well, I am here to present your best alternative investment solution, a castle.
At first glance, a castle may seem like a bad investment, but if you dig deeper into the financial math you’ll start to realize that it’s actually not a bad idea at all.
Most Castles Are Around The Same Price As An Ordinary House
Believe it or not, castles actually aren’t that much more expensive than an ordinary house and some countries are even giving them away for free! On my favorite castle shopping website https://www.prestigeproperty.co.uk/ (don’t know why it’s a UK site, guess the Brits are well onto this deal) there’s a beautiful 3 bedroom castle in Italy between Florence and Rome with its own cathedral all for only 425,000 USD. If Italy isn’t your taste, maybe you’d fancy farm life in France with this 4 bedroom castle and 65 hectares (~160 acres) of land for only slightly more than 556,000 USD. Did I mention it has OVER 160 acres of land?! You could start a vineyard, ranch, or build a small village, the possibilities are endless. Sure, there is a strong possibility of finding dead bodies in some of that soil, but that is just the price you pay for owning so much land. If those prices are still a little high for you, fear not! Some countries are even giving castles away for FREE. In an attempt to restore and revive the rich history of the country, countries like Italy are giving their castles away for free with the only caveat being that you restore your castle into livable condition. The renovation process will really allow you to make the place your own.
The Money You Save On A Castle Will Pay For Your Flights Back To SF
Let’s work out the actual math behind buying a house in the city vs buying a castle. For the sake of calculations, we will stay true to this title and use San Francisco city and a castle in Europe as our base examples. Take the median price of a European Castle; for our example, I’m going to use this moderately priced 8 bedroom castle in France at ~903,000 USD as the median (although there are plenty of much cheaper options on the market). At a 20% downpayment (~180k) and assuming an interest rate of 3.5% (although rates are about 1% lower at the moment) for a 30-year mortgage, we would get a monthly payment of 3,244.
In San Francisco, the average rent price for a 1 bedroom apartment is 3,500 USD per month, with the median being 4,300 USD. By purchasing this castle you are already saving an extra ~250 —1,000 USD per month. Now, of course, an extra 250 USD per month is not enough to buy a round-trip plane ticket to SF, however, it is enough to pay for a 1-hour flying lesson (~155 USD). You’re setting the stage to save big on flight costs by flying your own plane. Of course, my estimates are not totally fair. If you were to have bought a castle on the lower end (free to <600,000 USD) you would be saving thousands per month, but even with our pricier example there is still a silver lining.
Our castle has 8 bedrooms — anyone heard of house hacking? With so much extra space you can Airbnb and rent out the extra bedrooms as well as the picturesque castle space for events. If we set a one-bedroom at a castle rental price to ~1,000 USD that’s an extra 7,000 per month in addition to your base savings. If you choose to go the Airbnb route, one night in a castle can go for at least 100 USD a night (potentially 3,100 USD per month). Not to mention that renting out a venue for a wedding or party can go for an average of 6,000 USD.
Round trip flights every week from Paris to San Francisco are typically in the 600–1200 USD range, meaning it just takes 1 wedding a month to completely cover your travel costs for the month. After running the numbers it’s not hard to see how owning a castle can turn into a real money maker. Not to mention the more we move to work from home, the less you’ll need to be physically in the office and fly back anyways. It’s truly a steal in my opinion.
Exorcisms Are Typically Free Or At Most A Couple Hundred Dollars
What place in the world has more history and culture than a castle? The endless stories and adventures within your new home are plentiful. However, running into some spiritual encounters by purchasing a potentially haunted castle is in some ways unavoidable. It’s the luck of the draw and the risk of the trade with castle purchasing, and if your castle has a dungeon it is even more likely that there are some reasons for the heebie-jeebies. The good news is that exorcisms are fairly affordable and, might I add, much cheaper than a house in New York or the Bay Area. In fact, the Catholic Church doesn’t charge anything at all and the Vatican actually offers open courses to Roman Catholic priests. If you find it hard to find to schedule an in-person meeting with a priest, there are even services available through skype for less than 300 USD. Lastly, if you are more of a do-it-yourself person, Amazon also offers a variety of exorcism kits online all to help you cleanse your castle and give you some peace of mind.
All options weighed, and it is clear that a castle is a great financial alternative for those of us who cannot afford housing in San Francisco. So stop putting your hopes and dreams into a shoebox on the coast, and go get that castle!*
*This piece is, for the most part, a joke (although midway through even I convinced myself to consider buying a castle). I am not a professional financial advisor and this is not financial advice, please consult a real professional before purchasing such real estate.
